MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

This song is how i feel right now it totaly rocks.


I'm Not Okay (I Promise)"Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?I'm not okay.I'm not okay.I'm not okay.You wear me out.What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?(I'm not okay)I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what they mean(I'm not okay)So be a joke and look, another line without a hookI held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!I'm not okay.I'm not okay.I'm not okay.You wear me out.Forget about the dirty looksThe photographs your boyfriend took?You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayedI'm okay.I'm okay!I'm okay, now(I'm okay, now)But you really need to listen to meBecause I'm telling you the truthI mean this, I'm okay!(Trust Me)I'm not okayI'm not okayWell, I'm not okayI'm not o-fucking-kayI'm not okayI'm not okay(Okay)

yesterday when i went to pick up my mum mum we had a conversationg that was pretty interesting. She came in the car i gave her a kiss and asked how her day went she said fine and she turned off the radio which is rare cause that what we do on the drive home. She asked me "Oscar u really like diane don't u" i said of course i do mom i love her, and she said "i knew it cause when u guys were together u seemed really really happy the happiest i've seen u in days, and u had a sparkle in ur eyes". she kept saying "i can't belive u guys aren't together i bragged to all the ppl i work with how pretty and sweet my son's gf is i know they got jealous cause u have such a pretty gf oscar" and i told her mom she's not my gf she's my best friend, and she said well i was ur dad's best friend for about two years before we started to go out and i said she just dosen't wanna ruin our friendship which i totaly understand but i know how cool it would be if we actually were bf and gf but im still very happy she's my best friend. She also said that when ever i wanted to bring her home tojust chill it was cool, i thougth to myself how cool it was that my mom really really liked diane and she told me how happy she was that i introduces her to her and dad. i got like butterflies in stomach when she said that, cause now i know that my parents really liked her which totaly rocks! she also asked about the hicky on her neck but i replied i rather not talk about it and she said oh ok mijo im sorry. It was weird and cool at the same time talking to my mum mum about my personal life never in my life would i have though i would of been talking about relationships with her of all people..lol

Hott

well on sat.i went out with my best buddy in the world Diane :) let me start from the begining . We as in my pop and i oh yea and omar (my lil bro) went to go pick up Die all the way to UCR (woop woop right buddy :P) well like typical mexicans we got lost :( the hole ride there my palms were sweating my heart was beating a mile a minutes i was just a nervous reck. Well i had to call her like a million times to get directions correctly cause my pop is lame and has no sence of direction ..like me..lol well we finaly made it to UCR man i was so nervous when i finally saw her walking towards the van i was like OMG OMG OMG OMG stop shaking, so when she finaly came close enough to me i was like OOOOO sweeet im actually gonna by with my buddy. And then when i looked at her i saw her neck and it was a hicky oh god it took ever once of energy in my body to not break down and loose it there and then i was like :( but i couldn't show how i felt after all i've been waiting for this day forever, so as much as it hurt me seeing that i try putting it in the back of my mind but it was hard cause everytime i looked at her i could stop but look at it :(, but yea the ride to my house was pretty cool cause i sat next to her :) even though my dad was kind of mad and tired we took so long to find UCR. So we finaly make it home and just my Mexican luck all my family was there i was like OOOOOOOH nooooooo y here y now..lol when i told Die all my family was here she said she wanted to cry and she totaly looked like she was lucky she didn't :) and there as we walked towards the door i held her hand well cuped it..lol i felt so cool just holding her hand walking towards my house so we finaly go in i was so nervous to into my family to her i didn't know what they were gonna say or thing or do so the moment of truth came she meet the parents. It was pretty awesome cause my entire family loved her which is soooo rear they like any girls any of us (all my cousins) bring home to meet them. Die meeting my parents meant alot to me cause she the first girl i have actually introduced to my parents and i did it cuase i love her so much. And my parents loved her even though my dad might of looked like a big meaning he liked her too. Well after she meet the family we headed to the mall when we got there i wanted hold her hand even since we go to the mall but i though to myself what if she like moves away i'll just put them in my pocket..lol it was hard seeing all thes couples holding hands and i was finaly there with DIe and ihad my hands in my pocket..lol but yet i couldn't stop staring at her neck i was driving me crzy but i had a blast with her at the mall..lol we totaly eat like a million samples of pretzels and of some strawbery bannnanna thing we totaly look like twenty..lol that was halarious the lil asian dude was like ok take some more..lol well after the mall we went back home so i could change for dinner of course i had to look good for her *blush* so then we were off to the oliver garden we waited there for a while but i didn't care i was there with DIE i could of waited forever well we finaly go in and by then i had gotten a phone call from my pop and sis saying that it was getting late and were gonn a take Die home late and all this BS and that just got me pissed off so we i orders what she did (cause im cool like that..lol) i was actully ingoing my salad until the damn phone kempt ringing by then i was just like AHHHHHHHHHHHHH STUPID PARENTS SHUT UP! So during dinner i had the hole shit with my pop and then i couldn't stop looking at her neck i though i was gonna loose it there and then butlucky i didn't thank god. we we went back home to pick up my sis and her friend to go to a movie so when we get there we walk into the mall and i said to myself dude if u don't hold her hand is now or never so i like started to like play with her hand and i like finaly did it i held her hand even though we didn't hold hands for long my hear was going a mile a minutes my knees allmost gave out it waslike wow i finally did it..lol lame i know but small things like that mean alot to me. so after we decide not to go to the movies we ended up in speedzone and play mini golf (she totaly kiced my ass :( ) then we headed inside for some air hockey i totaly one ...one game :( she kicked my ass in that too but it was all in good fun. so after speedzone we took my sis friend home bad idea that got pop mad but i didn't care that way i spent more time with DIe well finaly droped him off and we headed for home when we got there they were allrady waiting for us she said bye to the family we wrote in the back seat of the van listeing to HIM i wanted to give her a kiss on the cheek my heart said do it but my mind said not infront of the parents..lol i never watned that ride to end but like all good things must come to an end :( I had SOOOOOOOOOO much besides the hole pop getting me pissed off and the hole hicky thing :( but like they say u can't have ur cake and eat it too so we get back to UCR and i walk her to her dorm when i said bye and i got a hug i didn't wanna let go i didn't want the day to end but it had to but there will be many more good time was have together I LOVE HER SO MUCH and now my family does too which mean soo much to me that they respect and lover her. well blog or buddy old pal that it for now im dead tired but i promised i would write on it, and i allways keep my promies. until next time KEEP ON TRUCKING..lol that was lame PEACE

Been A while...

I know it's been a while just been kind of lazy to write on this shit..lol i can't say nothing bad about my blog it's been there for me threw some hard times ,well nothing new really in my lil world My buddy Die is at UCR now WOOOOO BUDDDY! well im still not in skool i know im a bum but i did get a job but i havne't started yet..lol well that's it for now until next time

about a weeks left till the day

well there about a week left before the hering im still really really scared i don't know what am gonna do if something goes bad. I've been praying to god that everything goes good for us and we can still stay here. I had a dream that we had to go back i woke up with like tears in my eyes cause i though it was real. Mom said let it just rest in the hands of god but man that a big thing i hope god is good to us.:) hopefully i get to stay here and not say goodbye to any of my friends espcially my best friends in the world DIANE. i dunno what i would do with out her. well Thursday is the big day hope i'll be here to write how it went, until then L8R

Hopeless Romantic-Bouncing Souls

I don't know what other people see or what they think is love But i know what it means to me I fall in love so easily And it's hard to let your guard down Something you never wanted to I gave you my love and if you turned away I guess i'd be screwed, but...I'm a hopeless romantic You're just hopeless Beer and wine does me fine butit doesn't always doWhen i get back up and dust offI always come back to you.I'm my own man with my own planI can't do the things you want me toI'm kinda lazy and i kinda stinkBut i'll clean myself up for you

this is my fav.Bouncing souls song i just like the lyrics and the song live kicks ass hard. :P

....

As i stand here in the street in the sidewalk outside my house, with tears of sadness, tears of heartbreak,tears of a fool, tears of aguny, i sit and stare into the sky and cry, cry for all those feelings i have and dont know what to do with. I sit and stare at the note book in wich i write all my thoughts and feeling, i look at the blade sitting next to me , it calls my name it says to me that i won't feel pain once i use it, coming so close to actually listening to that blade, it never lookeds like a better time to listen to it then now. All this shit i have to deal with in my life all that i have to go through i just can't take it anymore just knowing that the one u love dosen't feel the same way about u, but there nothing i can do her mind is set. It will almost be 3:30 a.m but yet i can't sleep i would rather die then sleep i just don't want to go threw all the emotions that i have in my live right now emotional,mental pain wish there was a way out. Yet again i look at the blade by my side it seems to be getting closer and closer to me macking me. DO i really want to do this? is this the answer to my problems? so many emotions so may feelings going through my head right now. Feeling heartbroken like i never felt before. It seems like there is no more to my life right now but death... my life with out the one i love is like a broken pencil...pointless, that y u don't pay attention to that blade that continues to mack me, but what am i to do? should i deal with all the shit that's going on in my life and deal with out some other way than just cutting my self? or should i take that ultimate and final step with is DEATH?...... only time can tell.

3:11 a.m

in the night i watch the days events on my t.v. seti spend my whole life watching images that come made of shit88 killed in a wreck on all the channels and presetsis there soneway out or maybe soemthing else on?aint that life aint it always the same thing on every nightaint it pretty how life looks on the other sidei dont care quite like i should ive seen show all my lifeis it 8 o clock i think theres something else onbut a familiar toen and a deadly scene come into viewive seen the light fade in a strangers eyesand heard her last breath on cold lipsdeath on board a smoking car a dying wife in my heartis it 8 o clock?i think theres something else onaint that life aint it always the same thing on every nightaint it pretty how life looks on the other sidei dont care quite like i should ive seen show all my lifeis it 8 o clock? i think theres sommething else onaint that life aint it always the same thing on every nightaint it pretty how life looks on the other sidei dont care quite like i should ive seen show all my lifeis it 8 oclock?i think theres something else on.